Sunday, December 26, 2010

Toothpaste

December 23, 2010

 

Well, today it happened.  I'm out of toothpaste.

 

Just to fill in those of you who don't know, Arm & Hammer is my very favorite toothpaste.  I brought an extra large tube to Kazakhstan so I could enjoy its delicious wonderfulness as long as possible.  If days ever got really tough I told myself, "It's okay Anne, you only have to stay until you're out of toothpaste."  Of course, I was joking.  I'm pretty sure I'm in for the long haul now, but having a small goal helped. And it certainly brought me laughs.

 

After I coaxed the last dollop of paste from its container this morning, I felt a wave of personal victory.  Then I realized that I'll now have to settle for sub-par Colgate.  I'll miss you, minty-freshness. But the separation is only temporary.

Monday, December 20, 2010

She said what?!

December 18, 2010

This week I had to teach my 9th graders about reported speech. Are
you yawning yet? When I opened the textbook and saw that unit, I was
certainly ready for a snooze! But first I had to look up what in the
heck "reported speech" was. Good thing I'm an English teacher! (FYI-
"He said he would go to the store" is a reported speech version of "He
said, 'I will go to the store.'")

I dreaded that class. But English as a Second Language doesn't have
to be boring, right? I mean, the English-speaking Neanderthals in days
of old came up with reported speech for a reason. Surely they didn't
create this just to torture high school English students and teachers
for all future generations. So why do we use reported speech in real
life?

I thought. Then I had a plan.

I went to class and started planting rumors among my students. First,
they were boring and normal: "Sara will not come to school today
because she is sick" became, "Miss Flaker said Sara would not come to
school today…" As students got the hang of it, the rumors got more and
more bizarre. I whispered to one student and she quickly reported to
the class, "Miss Flaker said Pitbull would come to Kulan for New
Years!" The class was a buzz. "What?! Pitbull is coming here?!?!"
"When? In 2011?" "No way!" "Will he sing?" It was a total lie, but
suddenly, even the boys in the back (who are a total distraction to
the class) perked up their ears.

Then I pulled out the big one. I whispered to one of my trend-setting
students… She was astonished and half-whispered:

"Really?! Miss Flaker said Brad Pitt is her boyfriend!"

That's right, I said it!

In Kazakhstan, the mention of "boyfriend" in any language is worthy of
press coverage. It took a minute to settle in, then one of the kids
up front caught on… "No he's not! He's dating Angelina Jolie!" But
suddenly, every one in the room wanted to tell me who was dating whom.

Nursultan: Beyoncé! Beyoncé is my girlfriend!
Miss Flaker: I'm sorry, I didn't here that.
Shingus: He said Beyoncé was his girlfriend! Now me… Shakira is my girlfried!
Miss Flaker: Wait, what did he say?
Aidana: He said Shakira was his girlfriend. And I think Medina said
Tom Cruise was her boyfriend!

The whole class was laughing. The whole class was speaking English.
And the whole class was using the dreaded "Reported Speech."

Take that, Grammar! We're gonna learn English AND have fun!

Monday, December 13, 2010

A Man in the Kitchen

December 12, 2010

 

A man doing domestic work is pretty much unheard of around here.  They don't clean, and they don't cook.  Period.  They tend to the animals and fix the roofing, pipes, and electricity.  Very stereotypical, huh?

 

Today, my host mom left the house at noon.  If she's not cooking, it usually means no family-style meal.  Fend for yourself. No problem, I moved on with my day.  But at 4:30PM Abilda, my host dad, tapped on my door.  "Anne. Come. We'll eat." 

 

Say what?!?!  How are we gonna eat?  Did YOU cook something?  Because I know you're wife's not back!  I followed him to the kitchen, interested in his culinary achievement.  "Come. Sit."  I sat.  He put a pot of scalding soup in front of me.  The whole pot. The plastic tablecloth melted and stuck to my "bowl."

 

Once I got past the blistering assault on my taste buds, the soup was actually reasonable.  There were noodles and potatoes and meat.  I think he even put some pepper in it.  I did my best to make a dent in it and show my appreciation.  Then he pulled out a frozen brick of butter and the carving knife.  "Eat. Bread with butter is tasty." I ate bread, but didn't try my luck with the iced-lard. 

 

Despite its' flaws, I sat at the table with a grin.  I just ate a meal prepared for me, a woman, by a Kazakh man. It was simple and I probably won't taste anything else until Wednesday, but it was a great gesture.

Sometimes I do work…

December 12, 2010

 

So, I realized I've told you about my clothes and my dishes.  I've mentioned strange taxi rides and last minutes parties.  But I never really talk about what I do here.  I figured you didn't need a vocab lesson or to learn new English grammar rules.  But let me tell you, these kids are a piece of work! 

 

Last week, I had the pleasure of teaching about technology to my eighth graders. When I asked how many of them used computers, five students raised their hands.  Peachy.  The vocab for the day was "printer" "mouse" "monitor" and "internet connection."  Talk about a lesson they could relate to.  In their defense, many of them do understand how to operate a computer; but when the internet connection is sketchy and the electricity goes out randomly in the middle of the day, it's hard to get the same level of technological exposure that I was used to at their age.

 

I was certain this lesson would be a flop.  But it actually turned into a barrel of laughs.  First, we made excuses for why we couldn't write emails to our friends. "My keyboard is broken." "We don't have an internet connection." Very applicable for these kids.  One student chimed in that he couldn't do his homework because "My cat ate my mouse!"  Haha!  How is it possible to be that clever in a foreign language?  These students are bright!

 

 We exhausted any more excuses then moved on to the reading: Online shopping.  Not even the local teacher knew what that meant. 

 

As I explained the joys of credit cards and ebay to my classroom, their eyes grew the size of half dollars.  One boy nearly jumped out of his seat, he was so excited.  "So, I can go to the online supermarket, click on my food and hit print, and the printer will spit out my apple? … It's like magic!"

 

Oh goodness!

 

I'm finding smiles in the strangest places!

Yep. It's Winter.

December 5, 2010

 

It snowed six inches in Friday.  Today I sat in my house in my wool tights and sweatpants, two wool shirts and my fleece jacket, and my nose still dripped the whole day.  I live in Southern Kazakhstan, so everyone tells me the winter will be mild.  I hate to see what's happening up North because I'm freezing down here in the "tropics."

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Taxi!

November 29, 2010

 

Man, today I got ripped off by a taxi driver.  I HATE when that happens. 

 

Taxis are weird in Kazakhstan.  They aren't yellow or checkered.  They aren't registered with any companies.  Basically, if you want to BE a taxi driver, you just get a car and start driving around.    If you want a taxi RIDE, you go to the side of the road and stick out your hand at any passing car.  Basically, you hitchhike.  It sounds really bad, I know.  Before I left America, I was thinking, "Oh gosh, hitchhiking.  That's dangerous!"  But now that I'm here I realize it's really just the designated taxi drivers that stop.  Average Joe in his car will drive right past you. 

 

As for money, it's a pretty set rate for anywhere you want to go.  Everyone knows the rate and you just pay accordingly.  No questions asked.

 

After work today, I decided to go to the bazaar.  The taxi driver asked where I was from… because one look at me proves I'm not Kazakh and as soon as I open my mouth, they can guess I'm not Russian.  People are always kind to me, and I've never been taken on a price before.  But either this guy didn't have change or he was playing me a fool since I'm foreign.  I KNOW the taxi should have been 30 tenge, but the driver took my 50 tenge piece and didn't give me change. 

 

I should have demanded change, but some taxi drivers I like and some aren't worth the effort.  This guy was the latter.  I just gave him the money and left.  But now I feel cultural defeat.  Darn you taxi driver!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

November 25, 2010

 

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone! 

 

You know, there's nothing like being away for the holidays to remind you how much you really have.  This is my first major holiday away from home and I have been dreading it for months.  From now to about January 7th is a very special time in my home.  It is like a 45-day marathon of warm fuzzies. The thought of being anywhere but with my family made my eyes leak, my throat constrict, and my chest cavity feel a sudden void.

 

Here I am.  November 25th.  The marathon has just begun.  But I was wrong about that void.  I don't feel empty.  Corri called me yesterday and I don't know what was so great about the conversation, but it's just nice to talk to your big sister.  Today, Susan called bright and early.  She let me wake Lauren up on Thanksgiving morning and Lauren narrated the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade for me.  My Mom, Dad, and Kaye C called later and let me jump back and forth between them.  The warm fuzzy brigade is transcending countries, continents, and oceans.  So family, if you ever wondered how far your love stretches, I'm on the other side of the globe and I still feel ya!

"Toi" Time

November 24, 2010

 

Last night I went to a Kazakh wedding.  WOAH!  What a treat! I can't decide if this is a complete 180 of an American wedding, or if it's like an American wedding without the religious aspects but with some added cultural dances and lip-synching (so… like a reception).  Either way, this is not like any wedding I've seen before.

 

First of all, this particular "toi" was planned in about three days.  That's right, DAYS.  That's not standard, they usually take a couple months, but this one was on the fast track.  I got my invitation in the form of a phone call at 7:30PM, approximately two and a half hours before the event was to take place.  Of course I went!  (I was told Kazakh weddings usually start at 9 or 10PM because historically, Kazakh people had to take care of their animals all day.  By the time chores were done and everyone was clean, it was very late.)

 

I walked into the reception hall and found a seat at a table with my co-workers.  Each table was overflowing with food.  Breads, cheeses, meats, pastries, candies, salads, fruit.  They had everything!

 

The bride and groom sat at the head table, just like in America.  There was a dance floor in front of them and people would get up to toast the newlyweds, dancers would perform, or a professional lip-syncher would "sing."  The guests danced, but the bride and groom only shared one dance.  Most of the time, they sat at the head table and graciously received well wishes from their guests.  The bride wore a beautiful white dress (it looks similar to our wedding dresses, but with more ruffles and fur) and a traditional Kazakh headdress.  The groom was in a standard white Kazakh robe. 

 

In between the toasts and the dances, waiters brought out the main course… I had no idea where they would fit it, but Kazakhs are masters of arranging a dinner spread.  There were more toasts and dancing and then there was cake (and other sweets).

 

Basically, the whole night was eating and wedding toasts.  I did not witness any vows or prayers.  (Legal papers are signed earlier in the day, and there is some stuff that happens with the family, but that is a pretty small crowd.)  It was really interesting to watch because I feel like there is probably more going on than I realize, I just don't understand it yet.  Either way, I loved being a part of it all!

I feel BLAH!

November 19, 2010


Yesterday, the flu bug attacked me.  Funny, this was the first time in about fifteen years that I actually got the flu shot.  Being sick is bad enough, but the remedy here is eat, eat, eat.  Drink tea, drink tea, drink tea!  Kazakh food is tasty and teatime is growing on me.  But I'm sick. I'm not hungry and I certainly don't want greasy noodles or salami.  If anything, I just want plain food from home.

 

Today, I tried to go to the post office. Little did I know, the pension checks came in the mail.  There was a swarm of people at the door.  I attempted to wait in line but my body rebelled. I found a chair off to the side to wait out this corporal coup. It took over an hour.  Eventually, someone took pity on me and helped me mail my junk. 

 

By some miracle, I was able to walk back to my house before crashing.  Ugggh!  I need food.  I want American food!  Not even sick people food.  I want cottage cheese, smoothies, peanut butter and cereal. More than that, I just want to feel better.